It was about some guy having cybersex, but he was
messing with whoever he was talking to. I found the text, so for those that
missed it, here you go.
bloodninja: Baby, I been havin a tough night so
treat me nice aight?
BritneySpears14: Aight.
bloodninja: Slip
out of those pants baby, yeah.
BritneySpears14: I slip out of my pants,
just for you, bloodninja.
bloodninja: Oh yeah, aight. Aight, I put on my
robe and wizard hat.
BritneySpears14: Oh, I like to play dress up.
bloodninja: Me too baby.
BritneySpears14: I kiss you softly on
your chest.
bloodninja: I cast Lvl. 3 Eroticism. You turn into a real
beautiful woman.
BritneySpears14: Hey...
bloodninja: I meditate
to regain my mana, before casting Lvl. 8 Cock of the Infinite.
BritneySpears14: Funny I still don't see it.
bloodninja: I spend
my mana reserves to cast Mighty F*ck of the Beyondness.
BritneySpears14:
You are the worst cyber partner ever. This is ridiculous.
bloodninja:
Don't f*ck with me bitch, I'm the mightiest sorcerer of the lands.
bloodninja: I steal yo soul and cast Lightning Lvl. 1,000,000 Your body
explodes into a fine bloody mist, because you are only a Lvl. 2 Druid.
BritneySpears14: Don't ever message me again you piece of shit.
bloodninja: Robots are trying to drill my brain but my lightning shield
inflicts DOA attack, leaving the robots as flaming piles of metal.
bloodninja: King Arthur congratulates me for destroying Dr. Robotnik's
evil army of Robot Socialist Republics. The cold war ends. Reagan steals my
accomplishments and makes like it was cause of him.
bloodninja: You
still there baby? I think it's getting hard now.
bloodninja: Baby?
-
bloodninja: Ok baby, we got to hurry, I don't know how long I
can keep it ready for you.
j_gurli3: thats ok. ok i'm a japanese
schoolgirl, what r u.
bloodninja: A Rhinocerus. Well, hung like one,
thats for sure.
j_gurli3: haha, ok lets go.
j_gurli3: i put my
hand through ur hair, and kiss u on the neck.
bloodninja: I stomp the
ground, and snort, to alert you that you are in my breeding territory.
j_gurli3: haha, ok, u know that turns me on.
j_gurli3: i start
unbuttoning ur shirt.
bloodninja: Rhinoceruses don't wear shirts.
j_gurli3: No, ur not really a Rhinocerus silly, it's just part of the
game.
bloodninja: Rhinoceruses don't play games. They f*cking charge
your ass.
j_gurli3: stop, cmon be serious.
bloodninja: It
doesn't get any more serious than a Rhinocerus about to charge your ass.
bloodninja: I stomp my feet, the dust stirs around my tough skinned
feet.
j_gurli3: thats it.
bloodninja: Nostrils flaring, I lower
my head. My horn, like some phallic symbol of my potent virility, is the last
thing you see as skulls collide and mine remains the victor. You are now a
bloody red ragdoll suspended in the air on my mighty horn.
bloodninja:
Goddam am I hard now.
-
BritneySpears14: Ok, are you ready?
eminemBNJA: Aight, yeah I'm ready.
BritneySpears14: I like your
music Em... Tee hee.
eminemBNJA: huh huh, yeah, I make it for the
ladies.
BritneySpears14: Mmm, we like it a lot. Let me show you.
BritneySpears14: I take off your pants, slowly, and massage your
muscular physique.
eminemBNJA: Oh I like that Baby. I put on my robe and
wizard hat.
BritneySpears14: What the f*ck, I told you not to message me
again.
eminemBNJA: Oh shit
BritneySpears14: I swear if you do it
one more time I'm gonna report your ISP and say you were sending me kiddie porn
you f*ck up.
eminemBNJA: Oh shit
eminemBNJA: damn I gotta write
down your names or something
-
bloodninja: Wanna cyber?
Katie_007: Sure, you into vegetables?
bloodninja: What like
gardening an shit?
Katie_007: Yeah, something like that.
bloodninja: Nothing turns me on more, check this out:
bloodninja: You bend over to harvest your radishes.
(pause)
Katie_007: is that it?
bloodninja: You water your tomato patch.
bloodninja: Are you ready for my fresh produce?
Katie_007: I was
thinking of like, sexual acts INVOLVING vegetables... Can you make it a little
more sexy for me?
(pause)
bloodninja: I touch you on your
lettuce, you massage my spinach... sexily.
bloodninja: I ride your
buttocks like they were amber waves of grains.
Katie_007: Grain doesn't
really turn me on... I was thinking more along the lines of carrots and
zucchinis.
bloodninja: my zucchinis carresses your carrots.
bloodninja: Damn baby you're right, this shit is HOTT.
Katie_007: ...
bloodninja: My turnips listen for the soft cry of
your love. My insides turn to celery as I unleash my warm and sticky cauliflower
of love.
Katie_007: What the f*ck is this madlibs? I'm outta here.
bloodninja: Yeah, well I already unleashed my cauliflower, all over your
olives, and up in your eyes. Now you can't see. Bitch.
Katie_007:
whatever
-
Girl: Hi
Boy: hello
Boy: who is this?
Girl:
just a someone?
Boy: A someone I know?
Girl: nope
Boy: Then why the
hell are you bothering me?
Girl: well sorrrrrry
Girl: I just wanted to
chat with you
Boy: why?
Girl: nevermind your an asshole
Boy: Hey
wait a minute
Girl: yes?
Boy: look I'm sorry. I'm just a little paranoid
Girl: paranoid?
Boy: yes
Girl: of what?
Girl: me?
Boy: No.
I'm in hiding.
Girl: LOL
Boy: Don't ******* laugh at me!
Boy: This
shit is serious!
Girl: What are you hiding from?
Boy: The cops.
Girl: gimme a ******* break
Boy: I'm serious.
Girl: I don't get it
Boy: The cops are after me.
Girl: For what?
Boy: I'm wanted in three
states
Girl: For???
Boy: It's kindof embarrasing.
Boy: I had sex
with a turkey.
Boy: Hello?
Girl: You are ******* sick.
Boy: Send me
your picture.
Girl: why?
Boy: so I know you aren't one of them.
Girl: One of what?
Boy: The cops.
Girl: I'm not a cop i told you
Boy: Then send me your picture.
Girl: hold on
Boy: Hurry up.
Boy: Are you there?
Boy: **** you, cop!
Girl: Hey sorry
Girl: I
had to do something for my mom.
Boy: I thought you were trying to find a
picture to send to me.
Boy: When really you were notifying the authorities.
Boy: Weren't you!?
Girl: thats not it
Boy: Then what?
Girl: I
don't want to send you the picture cause I'm not pretty
Boy: Most cops
aren't
Girl: IM NOT A ******* COP YOU DICKHEAD!
Boy: Then send me the
picture.
Girl: fine. What's your e-mail?
Boy: Just send it through here.
Girl: alright *PIC*
Girl: Did you get it?
Boy: Hold on. I'm looking.
Girl: That was me back in may
Girl: I've lost weight since then.
Boy: I hope so
Girl: what?!?
Girl: that hurt my feelings.
Boy:
Did it?
Girl: Yes. I'm not that much smaller than that now.
Boy: Will it
make you feel better if I send you my picture?
Girl: yes
Boy: Alright
let me find it.
Girl: kks
Boy: Okay here it is. *PIC*
Girl: this
isn't you.
Boy: I'll be damned if it ain't!
Girl: You don't look like
that.
Boy: How the hell do you know?
Girl: cause your profile has
another picture.
Boy: The profile pic is a fake.
Boy: I use it to hide
from the cops.
Girl: You look like the Farm Fresh guy lol
Boy: Well, you
look like you ATE the Farm Fresh guy....
Boy: Not to mention all the
groceries.
Girl: Go **** yourself
Boy: I was going to until I saw that
picture
Boy: Now my dick won't get hard for a week.
Girl: I shouldn't
have sent you that picture.
Girl: You've done nothing but slam me.
Girl:
you hurt me.
Boy: And calling me the Farm Fresh guy doesn't hurt me?
Girl: I thought you were bullshitting me!
Boy: Why would I do that?
Girl: I can't believe that cops are after you
Boy: I can't believe Santa
lets you sit on his lap..
Girl: FUC YOU!!!
Boy: You'd break both of his
legs.
Girl: You're a ******* asshole.
Girl: I've been teased my whole
life because of my weight
Girl: and you make fun of me when you don't even
know me
Boy: Ok. I'm sorry.
Girl: No you aren't
Boy: You're right.
I'm not.
Boy: HAARRRRR!
Girl: I'm done with you
Boy: Aww. I'm sorry.
Girl: I'm putting you on ignore
Boy: Wait a sec
Boy: We got off on
the wrong foot.
Boy: Wanna start over?
Girl: No
Boy: I'll eat your
pussy
Girl: You'll what?
Boy: You heard me.
Boy: I said I'd eat your
pussy.
Girl: I thought you said you couldn't get it hard after seeing my
picture
Boy: Do I need a hard-on to eat your pussy?
Girl: I'd like to
know that the man eating me out is excited yes
Boy: Well I'm not like most
men.
Boy: I get excited in different ways.
Girl: Like what?
Boy: Do
you really wanna know?
Girl: I don't know
Boy: You have to tell me yes
or no.
Girl: I'm afraid to
Boy: Why?
Girl: cause
Boy: cause why?
Girl: well lets see
Girl: you say you have sex with turkeys. You call me
fat. then you wanna eat me out
Girl: doesn't that seem strange to you?
Boy: Nope
Girl: well its strange to me
Boy: Fine. I won't do it if
you don't want me to
Girl: I didn't say that
Boy: So is that a yes?
Girl: I guess so.
Boy: Ok. I need your help getting excited though.
Boy: Are you willing?
Girl: What do you need me to do?
Boy: I need
you talk like a pirate.
Girl: ???
Boy: When I start to go limp... you
say "HARRRR!!!"
Boy: ok?
Boy: Hello?
Girl: You can't be serious
Boy: Oh yes I am!
Boy: It's my fantasy.
Girl: this is retarded
Boy: Do you want it or not?
Girl: Yes I want it.
Boy: Then you'll do
it for me?
Girl: sure
Boy: Ok. Here we go.
Boy: I gently remove your
panties and being to massage your thighs.
Boy: You get really juicy thinking
about my tounge brushing up against them
Boy: I softly begin to tounge your
wet pussy.
Boy: I run my tounge up and down your smooth slit.
Girl: mmmm
yeah
Boy: uh oh ...going limp.
Girl: Har
Boy: You gotta do better
than that!
Boy: Your picture was really bad.
Girl: HARRRRRRRRRRRR
Boy: Ahhhh. Much better. I feel your pussy get more moist with every stroke.
Boy: I softly suck on your clit bringing it in and out of my mouth.
Boy:
Your juices run down my chin as your scent makes its way to my nose.
Boy: I
begin to feel empowered by your femininity.
Girl: mmmmmm you are good
Boy: I feel your thighs tighten as I suck harder
Boy: going limp
Girl: HARRRRRRR
Boy: Mmmm I grab your swelling buttocks in my hands.
Boy: You begin to sway back and forth.
Boy: going limp
Girl: this is
stupid
Boy: ...still limp
Boy: Do it!
Girl: HARRRRRRRRRRRRR
Boy:
I turn you around to lick your asshole.
Boy: I pry apart that battleship you
call your ass.
Boy: I see shit nuggets hanging from the hair around your
asshole.
Girl: WTF?!?!?
Boy: They stink really bad.
Girl: OMG
STOP!!!
Boy: I start to get fed up with your ugly ass
Boy: I tear off
your wooden peg leg.
Boy: I ram it up your ass.
Girl: YOURE A *******
PYSCHO!!
Boy: Then I pour hot carmel over your head.
Boy: And turn you
into a ******* candy apple...
Boy: I kick you in the face!
Girl: ****
YOU ASSHOLE!!
Boy: The celluloid from your cheeks hits the side of the
cabin...
Boy: Your parrot flys away.
Boy: ...going limp again.
Boy:
Hello?
Boy: Say it!
Boy: HAARRRRRR!!!!!
Here's the last one...
Wellhung: Hello,
Sweetheart. What do you look like?
Sweetheart: I am wearing a red silk
blouse, a miniskirt and high
heels. I work out every day, I'm toned and
perfect. My measurements are 36-24-36. What do you look like?
Wellhung:
I'm 6'3" and about 250 pounds.I wear glasses and I have on a pair of blue sweat
pants I just bought from Walmart.I'm also wearing a T-shirt with a few spots of
barbecue sauce on it from dinner...it smells funny.
Sweetheart: I want
you.Would you like to screw me?
Wellhung: OK
Sweetheart: We're
in my bedroom.There's soft music playing on the stereo and candles on my dresser
and night table.I'm looking up into your eyes, smiling. My hand works its way
down to your crotch and begins to fondle your huge, swelling bulge.
Wellhung: I'm gulping, I'm beginning to sweat.
Sweetheart: I'm
pulling up your shirt and kissing your chest.
Wellhung: Now I'm
unbuttoning your blouse.My hands are trembling.
Sweetheart: I'm moaning
softly.
Wellhung: I'm taking hold of your blouse and sliding it off
slowly.
Sweetheart: I'm throwing my head back in pleasure.The cool silk
slides off my warm skin.I'm rubbing your bulge faster, pulling and
rubbing.
Wellhung: My hand suddenly jerks spastically and
accidentally rips a hole in your blouse.I'm sorry.
Sweetheart: That's
OK, it wasn't really too expensive.
Wellhung: I'll pay for it.
Sweetheart: Don't worry about it.I'm wearing a lacy black bra.My soft
breasts are rising and falling, as I breath harder and harder.
Wellhung:
I'm fumbling with the clasp on your bra.I think it's stuck. Do you have any
scissors?
Sweetheart: I take your hand and kiss it softly.I'm reaching
back
undoing the clasp. The bra slides off my body. The air caresses my
breasts. My nipples are erect for you.
Wellhung: How did you do that?
I'm picking up the bra and inspecting the clasp.
Sweetheart: I'm arching
my back. Oh baby. I just want to feel your tongue all over me.
Wellhung:
I'm dropping the bra. Now I'm licking your, you know,
breasts. They're neat!
Sweetheart: I'm running my fingers through your hair. Now I'm
nibbling your ear.
Wellhung: I suddenly sneeze. Your breasts are
covered with spit and phlegm.
Sweetheart: What?
Wellhung: I'm so
sorry. Really.
Sweetheart: I'm wiping your phlegm off my breasts with
the remains of my blouse.
Wellhung: I'm taking the sopping wet blouse
from you. I drop it with a plop.
Sweetheart: OK. I'm pulling your sweat
pants down and rubbing your hard tool.
Wellhung: I'm screaming like a
woman. Your hands are cold! Yeeee!
Sweetheart: I'm pulling up my
miniskirt. Take off my panties.
Wellhung: I'm pulling off your panties.
My tongue is going all over,
in and out nibbling on you...umm... wait a
minute.
Sweetheart: What's the matter?
Wellhung: I've got a
pubic hair caught in my throat. I'm choking.
Sweetheart: Are you OK?
Wellhung: I'm having a coughing fit. I'm turning all red.
Sweetheart: Can I help?
Wellhung: I'm running to the kitchen,
choking wildly. I'm fumbling
through the cabinets, looking for a cup. Where
do you keep your cups?
Sweetheart: In the cabinet to the right of the
sink.
Wellhung: I'm drinking a cup of water. There, that's better.
Sweetheart: Come back to me, lover.
Wellhung: I'm washing the
cup now.
Sweetheart: I'm on the bed arching for you.
Wellhung:
I'm drying the cup. Now I'm putting it back in the cabinet. And now I'm walking
back to the bedroom. Wait, it's dark, I'm lost. Where's the bedroom?
Sweetheart: Last door on the left at the end of the hall.
Wellhung: I found it.
Sweetheart: I'm tuggin' off your pants.
I'm moaning. I want you so badly.
Wellhung: Me too.
Sweetheart:
Your pants are off. I kiss you passionately-our naked bodies pressing each
other.
Wellhung: Your face is pushing my glasses into my face. It hurts.
Sweetheart Why don't you take off your glasses?
Wellhung: OK,
but I can't see very well without them. I place the
glasses on the night
table.
Sweetheart: I'm bending over the bed. Give it to me, baby!
Wellhung: I have to pee. I'm fumbling my way blindly across the room and
toward the bathroom.
Sweetheart: Hurry back, lover.
Wellhung: I
find the bathroom and it's dark. I'm feeling around for
the toilet. I lift
the lid.
Sweetheart: I'm waiting eagerly for your return.
Wellhung: I'm done going. I'm feeling around for the flush handle,
but I can't find it. Uh-oh!
Sweetheart: What's the matter now?
Wellhung: I've realized that I've peed into your laundry hamper.
Sorry again. I'm walking back to the bedroom now, blindly feeling my way.
Sweetheart: Mmm, yes. Come on.
Wellhung: OK, now I'm going to
put my...you know ...thing...in
your...you know...woman's thing.
Sweetheart: Yes! Do it, baby! Do it!
Wellhung: I'm touching your
smooth butt. It feels so nice. I kiss
your neck. Umm, I'm having a little
trouble here.
Sweetheart: I'm moving my ass back and forth, moaning. I
can't stand it another second! Slide in! Screw me now!
Wellhung: I'm
flaccid.
Sweetheart: What?
Wellhung: I'm limp. I can't sustain
an erection.
Sweetheart: I'm standing up and turning around; an
incredulous look on my face.
Wellhung: I'm shrugging with a sad look on
my face, my weiner all floppy. I'm going to get my glasses and see what's wrong.
Sweetheart: No, never mind. I'm getting dressed. I'm putting on my
underwear. Now I'm putting on my wet nasty blouse.
Wellhung: No wait!
Now I'm squinting, trying to find the night table. I'm feeling along the
dresser, knocking over cans of hair spray, picture frames and your candles.
Sweetheart: I'm buttoning my blouse. Now I'm putting on my shoes.
Wellhung: I've found my glasses. I'm putting them on. My God! One of our
candles fell on the curtain. The curtain is on fire! I'm pointing at it, a
shocked look on my face.
Sweetheart: Go to hell. I'm logging off, you
loser!
Wellhung: Now the carpet is on fire! Oh noooo!
Sweetheart: